Assumptions / Expectations

Tonight was very, very quiet at our public meals program. The government cheques were out on Friday, so for the next few days I'll see our guests all over town, riding in taxis and eating in restaurants. Part of me thinks it's a ridiculous waste of what little money they have (and it is) but on the other hand...  Well, the restaurant part I can almost kind of understand. Sometimes, you just want to feel like a human being again.

And really - who am I to say? Do I really need half the stuff I spend money on? Do I really need a luxurious new leather messenger bag? An expensive Italian journal with a silk page marker? Exactly the right pen to go with it?

Here's what I think the real deal is. I think we put expectations on our guests about how they should spend their money. That is, we expect them to do what we would do, for the reasons we would do it. And those expectations are based on an assumption - that poverty is an experience one "goes through". We just naturally assume that if you tighten your belt, that if you try a little harder and sacrifice a little more, you'll make it through this difficulty and then everything will be all right again. For our guests, however, poverty is the nature of their lives. Their assumption is that they will always be poor.

Different thing altogether.

Comments

[amber]

Yes it is a different thing and such a hard thing for middle-class people to grasp.

[Barbara]

I have an analogy for this but I don't know if I have the guts to share it since its personal. But I can relate to believing I will always be who I am instead of having hope that I will someday get out of the pit. But other people in my life just don't get it, its not easy to understand the actions of someone unless you've been in their shoes (or at least a similar pair)

[beth]

-- and the middle class family who are able to extend their line of credit to allow for that mid winter holiday in St Martens - isn't that the exact same thing - but how easy it is to shake our heads and tis at the poor. how easy they are to victimize once again. if we keep looking at them, we aren't looking at me. isn't that the thing about the gospel that turns the world upside down?

[dirtyhands4Him]

I used to be ampraisingHim in the blog world on blogger, but now after an extended leave of absence I'm back and I've moved. I'm so glad that you are still here in cyberspace. I love this post. It hits home. Just this past weekend, our church had their annual rummage sale. It was headed by the same people, as it has been for decades. I was appalled by some of their comments, and attitudes toward the 'customers' who obviously was here hunting for real bargains. One of the ladies of the church was selling fancy jewerly down the hall. Another woman helping her came to the main sale and was greeted by other women of the church. They inquired about the jewerly sale. She replied, that they weren't selling a lot, because these people, 'aren't the right clientele for the jewerly. What really shocked my husband (who is the pastor) and me was that some ladies baked fancy cookies for the customers of the jewerly sale..free...but the baked goods for the general sale had to be bought. Why couldn't they share some free fancy cookies with the general rummage sale customers????? hmmm....

[HeyJules]

I totally understand this. I worked as a cashier in a local grocery store for a few months as a second job and would watch person after person come through the checkout lane with the most expensive pre-packaged cuts of meat and other "gourmet" items and then hand me food stamps to pay for it. I was always so flabberghasted...

But I can understand now that they probably didn't have all the spices and condiments and pans etc. to MAKE what they were buying pre-made and that alone changed the way I viewed it all.

[[rhymes with kerouac]]

Amber - Very true.

Barbara - What I'm suggesting is that our folks don't necessarily see poverty as something they must go through, but is the nature of their life. I don't think they sit around all day thinking about hopelessness or despair, however - that's a very different thing. We mustn't let the things we can't do stop us from doing what we can do.

beth - Yup. Everythiong about the Kingdom is the exact opposite of what we think it "should" be.

dirtyhands4him - That's definitely one of those things that make you go "hmmmm". (and it's nice to have you back!)

HeyJules - And don't have the cooking skills, or the knowledge, or perhaps even the literacy skills to read a recipe... It just goes on and on.

[nancy]

expectations based on assumptions about others.
yep, that trick pulles the rug out from under my feet all the time.

[John Lunt]

Good post and worth a lot of consideration. I've often viewed what we've done on the street an effort to bring hope to homeless people. We help some with what we can, but we've wanted to "re-ginite" hope in them that would allow them to "change." While spiritually, that is needed - we all are destitute without Jesus. Should we be focusing on helping them find "hope" again for changes in their financial situation. Good question and one I need to think about.

[karen]

I've found a similar thing now that I'm a missionary and supported by others' money: expectations for how we should spend other peoples' money are huge, even when it is given freely.

[[rhymes with kerouac]]

nancy - It really can do that, can't it?

John - It's good to hear from you again. I've given your question some thought to but I haven't got anything near a clear answer. Sometimes I wonder if we should see "ministry" in terms of the whole person - physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual.

karen - It's true - there's huge expectations placed on missionaries - often the 'giver' feels they own them. How do you resolve such difficulties (if only in your own mind / heart)?

[Assissotom]

Very good site! I like it! Thanks!