Gethsamane in Miniature
May 5, 2007 In the back of the dining room we have a lounge area set up with couches and small tables for two. It's become the preserve of the teenagers. They fool around, jump up and down and generally behave like, you know, teens. Often they will pull the deuces together to make a table for eight and then sit twelve kids at it in a raucous, fun dinner for their crowd. Often they will leave a mess behind and, sometimes, an entire table of kids will walk away without cleaning up at all. That just ticks everybody off, so I do the best I can and remind them to be a little more considerate. Sometimes I'm even polite about it.
Friday, however was just beyond the pale. There were about thirty kids who just trashed the lounge area, throwing food on the floor. leaving their tables in a mess, tossing garbage behind the couch. It was stunning, and it was obviously planned. There were trays of food stashed under the couches, there was garbage everywhere.
I've been thinking through the whole lounge area for awhile. I've been wondering if it doesn't serve to isolate the teens from the rest of the community but, on the other hand, I feel that the kids may just need a place they feel is their own. But the organized assault of piles of food and napkins and garbage that was left behind on Friday felt like just that - an assault. We got dissed on Friday night - big time. They weren't just disrespectful, they were flaunting their disrespect. They were daring us, they were taunting us, they were slapping us in the face. So how am I to respond to this? What is Christ asking me to do in response to this 'slap in the face'?
And I hate the answer. I really hate the answer. I hate it because what he's asking me to do is turn the other cheek. What does that mean? It means I'm neither a victim or a doormat. It means that I will choose - I will choose - to respond with humility, love and grace. That choice means that I don't sacrifice my dignity, that I don't wound my pride. I will choose. Yes, I will choose to remember what an arrogant little jerk I was at that age. I will choose to remember how many advantages I had that these kids don't. I will choose the way of a servant. And each act of grace and humility and sacrifice I choose will further illuminate the gulf between the way of Christ and the way of self, will expose the corruption of ego and pride, will light a candle of light and love against the darkness of our world.
I'm just not there yet.
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Reader Comments (8)
I think Jesus would also speak clearly what he felt - not as a ultimatum - but in love.
He never pretended that bad behaviour was acceptable but he took time to eat with the down and outs (publicans, tax collectors and prostitutes) and actually seemed to enjoy their company! And I'm sure it wasn't easy - but like you - He looked beyond the mess and into the heart!
Thanks for the interesting post, this is tough. I realize I may be off base, but I'm going to have to take issue with a "turn the other cheek" approach on this one. Righteous anger/instruction has its proper place and I think you've given an example of it. Those kids were knowingly and blatantly disrupting an environment that is there not just for them, but for many others as well....it sounds like they weren't just being messy, they were purposefully desecrating a place of shelter.
I believe you have the absolute right to ensure a climate of peace at the mission. I realize this doesn't always happen, but you have the right, nonetheless, to create and foster that atmosphere...for the common good.
Admonishing them purely because they pissed you off is one thing. But admonishing them for the sake of the mission and so that others may come to your oasis in peace is another.
That said, if I had a dime for every time I "turned the other cheek"...uh...well, I'm just saying it is a sign of self mastery.
My story (in part) is I've worked as a Youth Pastor for 20+ years and the first 10 of that was while I was a counselor for teenagers in custody.
I'd ask one question: How would you have reacted if your family had done what they did?
If a squad of your cousins had been at the mission and behaved this outrageously - what do you think you would have said and done?
Everyone there is there by invitation, as guests of the goodness offered. It seems to me that this group has created a situation where the responsible thing for you to do (because they chose their behavior) is to withdraw that invitation for a time.
Your duty of care is not only to them but also to the rest of the people the mission serves. These individuals tossed impulse control to the side, and in a way, threw the gift of that food at the feet of all who provided it and the others that use the lounge. (Effectively saying: "Screw-you.")
If you do nothing, you risk teaching them (remember they are young and still learning) that this behavior is fine.
My take would be:
Your choices have limited the ways I can respond to you. What you did has impacted lots of people really negatively.
I'm going to need some time to let things settle down here before I can convince myself and the others that you'll control yourself when your here. Come back in "XYZ" weeks (or days) and we'll talk.
You're the expert in the situation, I'm looking at a 2 dimensional sketch of what's going on - but that's my 2 cents.
They may BS you when they do return and do it again. But that is the risk of loving them enough to let them change on their on terms.
I hope some of this helps.
I mean gee........we all feel unloved and unlovable at times and sometimes that makes us act like jerks. Me anyway.
I am humbled by this blog and mission work and see His Hand in this and think of something that happened this week that I could easily apply sort of the same ideas. How do we respond? Just talking about it with others instead of reacting immediately shows that thoughtfully and prayerfully He will guide you. It can be so simple to rise up with 'yea buts', our self needs to get out of the way. I guess screaming into a pillow works and then get on with the Father's business. :) I am so not there as well but a mess in the process as we all really are. God's blessing on your lives.