Good Friday
April 6, 2007 I had a long talk tonight with a dinner guest, a man we know and love. The evening started off with me talking him down from the edge of panic attack (I didn't even know that was possible - to talk someone out of a panic attack - but here we are) and then really got interesting when he asked why he had diabetes. "Why did God do this to me? Oh wait," he corrected himself, "I mean, why did God let it happen?" He was on his way home after dinner when he asked me this. Okay, let's sit down and talk.
He was carrying a heavy burden, and he had been carrying it for a long time. It became obvious that he was suffering under the law. He was struggling to see God amongst his several illnesses, amongst the trauma of having a fifteen year old cat in kidney failure that was going to be put down tomorrow. Choking back tears, he told me that his current lack of faith makes him "backslidden" and he was afraid he could lose his salvation.
Okay, deep breath. Steady, steady...
I asked him if there was ever a time in his life when he felt that God was particularly close to him. He told me of staying in a homeless shelter and being very, very angry with God. He blamed God for losing his job, his apartment and all his furniture, his friends - everything. He said he would swear at God, screaming at the top of his lungs. Then one night as he was sitting at the supper table, too upset and unhappy to eat, he heard a voice telling him to eat his dinner. The voice told him to eat three times, growing more insistent each time. He was frightened of hearing a voice in the room that no-one else did, and to quiet that voice he began to eat... and eat and eat. Shortly afterwards someone gave him a cup of coffee spiked with cocaine and he went into a seizure and then a coma. Eight days later he awoke and the doctor told him that if he hadn't had a full stomach to slow the absorption of the cocaine he would have died. At that moment he knew God had intervened to save his life and has felt himself drawn to the Lord ever since.
"Okay, so the time when you were the furthest you could possibly be from the Lord - when you were in an absolute rebellion," I said, "He came to you. You couldn't possibly have been more "backslidden", you couldn't possibly be farther from him, but there He was, telling you to eat and saving your life. What does that say about the idea of "losing your salvation"?
He smiled, and said "Yes, yes.. I see that now."
I don't want to talk about how damaging false teaching can be, how toxic it is to continue to live under the law. That's good for another thousand words, but it's hardly the point. You see, we had this conversation on Good Friday, on the day when Jesus Christ was crucified for your sin, and my sin, and for our rebellion and for our pride and for our anger and for our rejection of him. On Good Friday, when we take communion and remember the Lamb That Was Slain, a man in a battered hat with a three day growth of beard and shaking hands tells me of the time when God entered his world, and despite his rebellion, despite his anger, despite his many and manifold sins, saved his life, saved my life and your life, all our lives, because his story is all our stories. On Good Friday I sat and talked with a man whose heart is stretched to breaking, and we talked about how God came for us when we least deserved it, and how he just keeps coming for us, and he never leaves us and he never forgets where we are, and he never has something more important to do or someone he likes better. We talked about how our story isn't one of salvation lost and salvation found, it's a story of God being with us through all the uncertainty of life, through the rebellion and doubt and fear and outright panic, because he knows who He is, and He knows who we are, and He can't help but love us anyway.
Because of what Jesus did at the cross - almost 2000 years ago - a man in our dining room was set free. And you know what? Because of what Jesus did on the cross, tonight that man was set free again.
View Printer Friendly Version
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (13)
It is so good to see you moving in your gifts...
wilsonian - There are gifts?
Heidi Renee - I thought it was kind of cool, too!
Karla - I liked how you said you were struggling with how much to share, about speaking truth with respect, about being frustrating and still honoring God. All that stuff gets mixed up into a day, doesn't it. Thank you for the prayers - they are much appreciated.
UrbanMonk - My cyber door is always open.
Love,
Jennelle
Jenelle - Happy Easter to you, too!
Happy Easter RWK (a day late)
i love it......
it is those moments when i personally realize why i love working in the frontlines.
you captured it so wonderfully.......thank you for sharing it.
awareness - It would be nice to have those moments a little more often, don't you think!