No Guarantee
December 5, 2006 
A woman had a seizure in the dining room tonight, which was not a new occurrence for her or us. Her husband, as usual, kept us at bay - normally she will soon return to the world around her. During an episode she sits absolutely still and quiet - those around her often aren't aware that anything is wrong. Tonight, however, she didn't recover, and seemed to go deep into a kind of trance from which we couldn't seem to awaken her. The husband became quite alarmed as this wasn't normal at all and an ambulance was called.
The entire episode - from my becoming aware of it until the ambulance arrived - was about half an hour. In the first ten minutes or so I sat down beside her at the table, talked to her for a minute and then prayed for her. Here's the thing - even as I was praying I knew God wasn't going to miraculously intervene and instantaneously heal her. I just knew it - as if He were telling me He wasn't going to intervene.
So what am I to make of that? If I had more faith, would God have responded differently? Why did God not intervene? Or rather, why did he not intervene this time. Will he intervene next time? What if was somebody different - would He have intervened for them? why intervene for some people and not others? Does he like them better? Does he have bigger plans for them in the future than the other person? What if somebody else had prayed? If somebody more important had prayed, would God have changed His mind? Was there something wrong with my prayer? With me? I think of all the little sins that lie in a cloud at my feet, and wonder which one of them blocked my prayer... and there's a million more questions that could be asked. I could spend weeks beating myself up over this. Tonight, however, I realize that none of it matters, that I really don't need to know the answers. God seemed to be telling me that He wasn't going to intervene in this instance and, quite frankly, I just need to let God be God and recognize that I'm not.
When all is said and done, however, I'm not sure I would have reached the same conclusion if it were the Resident Love Goddess in that red vinyl chair tonight, waiting for the ambulance, instead of a woman I only know as a guest of the public meals program. And so what I must ask is... how do you share the gospel in a place like this? Where do you even begin? I used to think the gospel was "Get Saved and Go To Heaven" but, honestly, I have no idea what the gospel even is anymore. I don't have anything to say to people, no bible verses left to quote, no "Five Spiritual Laws" to recite, no "Romans Road" to go down. The only thing that's left is to call the ambulance, and pray them off, and make a phone call tomorrow and see how they're doing. There's no-one writing theology for this stuff - there's no road map, there's no book to read, there's no dvd series by Rob Bell. I have no clue what I'm doing. Absolutely no clue. I just keep trusting God and doing my thing and hoping this whole mess somehow works out.
And there's no guarantee it will.
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Reader Comments (15)
We cannot second guess God. But the fact that HE told you He wouldn't heal this woman ... (for whatever reasons) helped you pray in a different way I think. And to remind you that your prayers are not unheard or ineffective, but that sometimes His plans and your (our) prayers aren't aligned.
bless you for all you do - for asking all the right questions and for sharing the wisdom of leaving it all with God.
That's right. We don't. Education will not give it to us either. But it's better when we recognize it - and keep on doing things even though we have no clue.
It's all up to God, not us. Having no clue is, in a weird way, a good place to be.
And there's no guarantee it will.
******
Sure there is.
Now whether or not it all works out according to what WE think should happen remains to be seen but we BOTH know that it WILL work out according to God's will.
And I can live with that...
I wouldn't beat yourself up about your sins blocking your prayers. God is bigger than that. God sees a big picture that we don't.
For example, what if her having a seizure that sent her to the hospital saved them from a greater tragedy? Maybe they would have gotten hit by a bus when they stepped out of the mission (although knowing your town, it would probably have been more like a horse-drawn carriage).
God is bigger than all of it. Our hopes, fears, sin, and guilt. He can handle them all.
"As Christians reach out to touch everyone, including the unlovely who are now everywhere in our society, God touches them too---and revolutionizes their lives." p. 143
Third...a passage from Scripture, it's too long to quote here..Matthew 25:31-46.
I'm praying.
lorna - Thanks. I'm really thankful - at least - that he let me know he wasn't going to miraculously end the lady's seizure. He made me realize that he heard my prayer, and he knew what He was doing. Despite the outcome that was comforting, in its own way.
Ansku - Yes, I couldn't agree more...
HeyJules - I know... it's the getting from here to there part that's a struggle.
Paul - Thanks, brother.
ampraisingHim - Oh yeah, my life has been totally revolutionized. No question about it.
ken - You don't comment every day, but when you do... well, you always have a calm voice and a steady hand. Thank you for that.
We were given a verse a number of years ago that may fit with this situation. "To some I show my mercy and others I show my grace" I can't remember chapter and verse but it was very effective back then and I was reminded of it in this situation.
Blessings
I think you are sharing the gospel in a great way! You are coming along side them and helping, meeting a need as God reveals it to you, serving them, just as the greatest Servant taught us to serve. Sometimes that is all He allows us to do.
Some move the rocks to prepare the soil. Others come and spread the seed, still others tend to the daily cultivating, and then, still others do the harvesting.
Who is to say that any one of those jobs is more important than than the other? They are all needed. It would be a wonderful world if we could meet someone, befriend them, share Christ and they accept. I have found that if I share Christ, by a smile, a helping hand, a word of encouragement, a needed phone call for an ambulance, etc, then I'm doing what Christ has called me to do. The rest is up to Him.
Isn't there a saying that says...well, I can't remember how it begins but it ends like this...."yada, yada, yada....use words if necessary."
I admire what you are doing. Obviously you have a heart for the lost which the Lord is very aware of. Trust Him to direct your steps (and your words, your helps etc.)
Bless you, my friend!
The mission's feed the poor program is growing so.... "just being" works of course!
this was so honest, and i am so with you..
Just as important, my friend.
Brian - You know, I often wonder if this was what it was like for the apostles of the infant church. The NT wasn't complete, much less canonized, and they were pretty much figuring things out as they went along.
Psalm 46 - You know, I just keep doing what I'm doing. There really is no other path for me to follow.
Kelly - You have no idea how comforting it is to hear someone else say the same thing.
wilsonian - You know - I never thought of it like that. (thanks)